Why? Why, in the vastness of all possible universes, with all of the potential outcomes, with the innumerable alternate realities, with the infinite number of seemingly disconnected variables passing through all forms of arithmetic calculations never leading to the same result, does everything I seem to do lead to the same contemptuous disappointing finale? With the seemingly endless store of knowledge I have regarding psychology, cognitive behavior, psychohistory, social sciences and the like, I still seem to make the same choices, to trip over the same mistakes, to repeat the same errors and reap the benefits of the malfeasance I gladly swallow every day only to regret it tomorrow. It is profoundly upsetting to sit here and remember the countless faces associated with the growing number of names that I have, for lack of a better word, wronged in my hopelessly futile attempt to find ... something. I'm not even sure where to begin, and even now I'm not even sure I'm able to end, the devastating onslaught my person has ravaged upon this world. Alphabetical? Chronological? Categorical? It really makes no difference; even the acknowledgement itself seems too little, too late to appease the gods, karma and the poor individuals whose hearts suffered while under the care of these hands. So, I won't. You know who you are, though I seriously doubt you're reading here, or ever will; and I sincerely hope you do not.
The path of destruction in my wake eats at my psyche every single day, burning away my already too frayed soul; no forgiveness to be had from either the flock of prey or the predator himself.