companion

It's strange how missing a thing can make me rethink a thing. To take the whole left in my soul by the subtraction of another person and reshape it and remold it into an understandable, tangible problem. Somehow simply by making it into a graspable, defined thing the achy, bruised piece feels a little better. The real, useful, important part of being in a relationship with another person is not the avoidance of being alone, not the direction of energy into another person, not the periodic physical relief of sexual contact, but the companionship of another mind, body and soul not your own with whom to share the journey through life.

Let's face it, there are things you want to share with another person. You want to talk about the day you've had, you want to trash the people you work with, you want to explain the weird shit that happens to you, you want to talk through your hopes and dreams, you want to share your pain and fear, and, you want one person who knows all of there is to know about you including but not limited to the above. The point of a relationship is to be able to bounce the minutia of things running around in your mind off of another person's mind and feel like you've been heard and accepted and appreciated, without fear of judgement, without fear of reproach.

Therein lies the point of the companion. Doctor Who references aside, travelling through life means experiencing things. Being the social creatures that we are means we want to tell others about the experiences, others who actually cares and is interested in the things that happen to us. The companion also experiences your journey, but through another set of eyes, offering their perspective on all things, fortunate or unfortunate, giving you reflection of where and who you are. Not forgetting that you also give the companion those same things in return, that's part of the deal. Being the companion is just as fulfilling as having a companion. At least, if you're doing it right.

Having spent the time I've spent without the companion I've sort of gotten used to not having the companion around. While that has made me quite okay with being by myself, and quite self-sufficient in all things, I know that piece of me that wants to text someone the funny thing that happened, or call someone to tell them about the sign I saw today, just to share whatever experience I've had at any given moment is still alive and strong and misses that sort of contact with another human being. Existence can be a lonely thing, one can go to work and talk to the people there, go out in the world and talk to the people there, get on the internet and talk to the people there, but those are all a far cry from the interaction one has with the companion, the connection one has with the companion. A companion helps make life worth living and makes living a part of life. 

I suppose my reason for writing all of this is my redefinition of the companion. I learned long ago that having a companion to keep me busy is a waste. I learned long ago that being a companion is the promise I make when asking for one. I learned long ago that desperately seeking a companion means finding one just as desperate to not be alone. I learned recently that finding and having a companion who really is a companion changes your life in more ways than I thought it would. And it's really quiet in my world without one.