mePhone

iPhone people: you crack me up. I've given up making fun of your phone because it has miserable service, it drops calls, it doesn't handle data properly, is locked down like a fascist regime and it has 9,987 fart apps. 9,988 9,989... You obviously pay that no mind since it is a beautiful piece of shiny Apple hardware. I get that, it is indeed lovely. What I don't get, however, is why you think you need to whip it out of your pocket every five minutes. Who are you showing it off to? In case you hadn't noticed, 75% of the people on the train have one, and they're no more impressed by it than you are. Is it some sort of occult club? Was there kool-aid involved, because you appear to be on something.

Shame on me, I shouldn't judge; this is supposed to be about laughter. So, like I said, you whip that thing out every five minutes, (that's what she said) are you getting texts that often? No, because you don't type anything on it.

Phone calls? No, you don't answer them.

Emails? Perhaps, you seem to be looking intently at something, but you don't type anything to respond. It is, however, an email so you don't necessarily have to respond, especially if it's spam; which I get in my inbox once every twenty to thirty minutes, so that can't be it.

Are you changing songs? I've heard it's a mediocre mp3 player, but no again, lack of headphones.

Did you think you received a phone call/email/text and weren't quite sure so you had to check it? I've been there before, it felt like my pocket was buzzing, was that my phone.

Or perhaps you're looking at the phone and hoping, nay, praying someone will call you? I've been there too; I know unrequited love and I know about broken hearts.

Seriously, I really want to know.

What is it you are doing?! I don't understand, but I do find it humorous because I really do believe it's you trying to show the rest of the world that you have one. Like it's a status symbol, the Ferrari of cell phones: no one actually uses it, it's difficult to insure, costly to run, hard to drive, you worry about every dip, pothole, speedbump and chunk of whatever that has been shot through the air by the tire of another vehicle. Useless, but it's a Ferrari, and that makes it sexy. The iPhone however is not sexy; rarity and expense make things sexy, ubiquitous and affordable make things...gasp...normal... Sorry to hurt your feelings mePhone users, you're 3 years behind impressing me, but you do make me laugh, I guess that's worth something. Cheers.