Society, you suck.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010 at 11:43AM I’m not normally one to blame my problems on someone else; truth be told, I usually take on an inordinate amount of blame. There is, however, something I know isn’t my fault and that I can, in fact, place some of that blame on you, society.
This “something” is not as succinctly explained as I would prefer it be, simply because it’s not so… simple, and frankly, neither am I. No, even now I can’t seem to craft a single sentence detailing what I’m blaming society for, nor why society sucks for it. How about this: This fantasy land of love, life and happiness I’m forced to believe/expect/want for myself is a steamy pile of horseshit.
Here’s how this all started. Today, while walking to the train from work, I was in my own little world, listening to whatever random music popped up when the son “Save Tonight” came on. It’s such a soundtrack song; one of those that seems as if it was made specifically for the movies and shouldn’t be played unless it’s accompanied by a movie. In fact, I know it’s in a movie because it’s from the “A Lot Like Love” soundtrack. Now, I don’t know what part of the movie it is from (watching that movie reminds me too much of an off and on over a couple of years relationship I had with someone and even thinking about watching it makes my heart die a little), but it feels like one of those ditties played over the point in the movie where the guy has found out what is wrong, has decided what he needs to do to fix it and the movie takes on a collage of scenes where he’s putting his life in order… all to get the girl back.
So, I’m walking down the street, this song plays and how does my movie-trained brain respond, by thinking “If this were a movie, this would be the point where I’d get into gear, I’d stop smoking, start working out, clean my apartment, drop the video games, become smarter, funnier, stronger, more genuine, make more money, find a job that I enjoy, i.e. straighten out my shit, all to get the girl.” Except there is no girl, no shit to straighten out, no gear to be had.
You, society, are to blame for the countless songs, poems, movies, books, etc.; most of them laying out a life of utter fiction in which: boy finds girl, boy gets girl, boy falls in love with girl, boy screws up, boy loses girl, boy drastically alters life to get girl back, boy gets girl back, boy and girl live happily ever after. This is bad enough in and of itself, but add to the farce of the story the imagining of love as this perfect thing where it happens at first sight, everyone is happy, no problems are to be had (outside of boy screws up) and that a person (usually the boy) is the problem but that his problems are easily changed at the drop of a hat and forgiven and forgotten henceforth. What a sham, one in which everyone, I believe, has eaten like candy. We've gotten so obsessed with this perfect person, both in others and ourselves, that even the use of the words "good enough" engender a sense of giving up what you want out of your life and what you want from someone else; when love, perfect love, is good enough. Let me say that again:
perfect love = good enough
So despite the fact that most women won't even give me the time of day because I'm not 6' tall, I'm not nicely built, I don't enjoy a big bank account, I don't have any friends to go have "guy time" with, and I'm not this outgoing person; I say screw you society and the stupid bullshit you're trying to force feed me with. You suck.
Cheers
Reader Comments (5)
So you rail against what society expects of your life, but you fall right in line with needing what's "expected" to be happy? Whatever happened to just accepting what you have and being happy? There is no such thing as perfect love; if you're lucky, you find some flawed asshole who loves you because you're not perfect. The self-loathing gets old after a while, because the only control you will ever be able to fully exert is over your own happiness, but it's always easier to bitch about what's not there, isn't it?
PS- Your physical description matches perfectly with my husband, whom I have been with for ten years. Give yourself a break.
I am defining perfect love (for myself) as finding someone who is good for me and not the love at first site, making me nervous and sweaty, butterflies in the stomach, can't think about anything or anyone else that tv, books, films and the like have taught me I'm supposed to expect/accept no less than.
Actually, I can bitch at society for brainwashing itself into believing they should get more than one individual can (or should) possibly expect out of life, a.k.a. Sleeping Beauty Syndrome (I just made that up).
You can rail against society all you want, and see where it gets you. And if you're getting dating tips from movies and books, I hate to tell you this, but you have bigger problems. Love isn't a cure all; you're not going to find someone whose good for you if you don't like who you are, and despite your railings, you're still looking for that feel-good ending where the "right one" comes along and suddenly you're complete and all your shortcomings are suddenly not shortcomings, but adorable quirks make you all the more lovable yadda yadda yadda...
No matter how much that person *is* good for you, if you're not happy living in your own skin, then a fat lot of good that will do you, because the underlying problem that causes the discontent is still there. Once you are at peace, you'd be surprised how easy it is to find someone whose not only good for you, but who makes you nervous and sweaty, with butterflies in your stomach. It's not about anyone else. It's about you.
So your response is to accept society for what it is and don't complain about it? That's irresponsible.
My problem isn't what I think love is or should be or what I'm looking for, I'm totally aware of myself and what my skewed perspectives are on the subject matter and I'm working on those things daily. My problem is the rest of the people in the world who not only are unable to distinguish between movies and real life but also are the ones perpetuating this myth about love and what it's supposed to mean.
So what you're looking for is the plot of every 90s era independent movie. I hate to break it to you, but all the resisting of "society's expectation" is also a social norm, my friend. You're merely filling another role of every overdone teenage angst movie/television show/book produced since the 60s.
I never said accept society for what it is. But railing against it isn't going to be too productive, is it? Modern society is a cesspool full of idiots, as far as I can tell, and most of them are too dumb to get through a novel so they relate to the media that caters to the lowest common denominator, which is why daytime television has thrived. If you're looking for someone who doesn't buy into the love myth, good luck, dude. On some level we all want what the media corporations schill out because we're suckers for a happy ending.
You want to know what love is? It's the whole butterflies in the stomach, can't think about anything else, no one gets me like you do, OMG I'm the first person to ever feel this way, but eventually all that wears off and it's really about finding someone who has a level of crazy that you can deal with for the rest of your life, and who will unquestionably deal with your issues because they know that you're worth it. You find someone to mesh your psychoses with because that first feeling, the butterflies and all that shit, sparks your interest enough to want to get to know them, and then once you're hooked, all your problems and all their problems take second stage to just wanting to be with them.
Cheer up, Charlie. If you look too hard, or get too disillusioned, you're going to miss it.