Sunday, August 22, 2010 at 1:26PM Shame –noun; the painful feeling arising from the consciousness of something dishonorable, improper, ridiculous, etc., done by oneself or another Shame –verb; to cause to feel shame; make ashamed
Friday, June 18, 2010 at 12:04PM Fellow Humans, I have a question, a question that has plagued me for lo these past almost ten years of my life. A question that even to this day (and inevitably for the foreseeable future) which befuddles my mind, throws into doubt the way I think the world should work and concerns me regarding the destiny of humanity as a whole. A question both lacking in and saturated with profundity that people ask themselves the same question in one breath and then wonder why they would ever think of it the next. Even now part of me doesn't want to bother asking the question because I know there are two fundamental answers; one which defines the human condition as it exists now and the other which describes an ideal humanity has had in the past and (hopefully) can obtain again in the future.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010 at 11:43AM I’m not normally one to blame my problems on someone else; truth be told, I usually take on an inordinate amount of blame. There is, however, something I know isn’t my fault and that I can, in fact, place some of that blame on you, society.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010 at 7:10AM iPhone people: you crack me up. I've given up making fun of your phone because it has miserable service, it drops calls, it doesn't handle data properly, is locked down like a fascist regime and it has 9,987 fart apps. 9,988 9,989... You obviously pay that no mind since it is a beautiful piece of shiny Apple hardware. I get that, it is indeed lovely. What I don't get, however, is why you think you need to whip it out of your pocket every five minutes. Who are you showing it off to? In case you hadn't noticed, 75% of the people on the train have one, and they're no more impressed by it than you are. Is it some sort of occult club? Was there kool-aid involved, because you appear to be on something.
Shame on me, I shouldn't judge; this is supposed to be about laughter. So, like I said, you whip that thing out every five minutes, (that's what she said) are you getting texts that often? No, because you don't type anything on it.
Phone calls? No, you don't answer them.
Emails? Perhaps, you seem to be looking intently at something, but you don't type anything to respond. It is, however, an email so you don't necessarily have to respond, especially if it's spam; which I get in my inbox once every twenty to thirty minutes, so that can't be it.
Are you changing songs? I've heard it's a mediocre mp3 player, but no again, lack of headphones.
Did you think you received a phone call/email/text and weren't quite sure so you had to check it? I've been there before, it felt like my pocket was buzzing, was that my phone.
Or perhaps you're looking at the phone and hoping, nay, praying someone will call you? I've been there too; I know unrequited love and I know about broken hearts.
Seriously, I really want to know.
What is it you are doing?! I don't understand, but I do find it humorous because I really do believe it's you trying to show the rest of the world that you have one. Like it's a status symbol, the Ferrari of cell phones: no one actually uses it, it's difficult to insure, costly to run, hard to drive, you worry about every dip, pothole, speedbump and chunk of whatever that has been shot through the air by the tire of another vehicle. Useless, but it's a Ferrari, and that makes it sexy. The iPhone however is not sexy; rarity and expense make things sexy, ubiquitous and affordable make things...gasp...normal... Sorry to hurt your feelings mePhone users, you're 3 years behind impressing me, but you do make me laugh, I guess that's worth something. Cheers.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010 at 8:19AM My first reaction to this crotch bomber on X-mas Day was: oh crap now what are we NOT going to be able to do/bring/say/feel on a plane? The answer was quite swift and pretty clear. 1 hour before the flight lands one has to sit down, shut up and not do anything but stare straight ahead. Kind of like being in an elevator.
"That's not bad," you say, "anything to be safe." "it means the bombers can't get up either." "it's a small price to pay." "I'm safe; I'm not doing anything wrong."
Is it? Is it a small price to pay? I remember when our buddy the shoe bomber pulled his stunt back in the day too. The day prior I had flown to E’ville for Xmas and didn't have any problems with security; except it was slow and time-consuming (it was new, I gave them a break). The day I came back home; I had to take off my shoes. My shoes. Back in 2001 that was odd. But, "That's not bad." "Anything to be safe." "It means the bombers can't carry goodies in their shoes." "It’s a small price to pay."
Therein lies the problem. Every instance is indeed a small price to pay, but if you look back, even just to 1995-ish (which is the year I went to France) the cost has accumulated and accrued interest. Substantial interest. You used to be able to go all of the way to the gate (remember going to the gate to greet people as they disembarked?) without having a ticket, without taking your shoes off, without going through security, can you imagine doing that now? Hell no! You can barely walk into most airports without going through a checkpoint. Checkpoint? What is this, the West Bank?
I'm not here to complain about the inconveniences for taking a flight anywhere. I won't bitch about having to arrive 3 hours early for an hour-long flight to E’ville. I won't argue that it's silly to remove everything from my pockets and my belt and my shoes and my coat to walk through a metal detector. I won't deny the fact that I need to carry very little onto a flight other than myself, a book, my Zune and perhaps a laptop.
What does concern me is what comes next. What hoops we are going to have to jump through to prove that we're not carrying anything "bad". Already the TSA is directing airports in several countries to give full-body pat-downs to US-bound travelers. Full. Body. Pat. Down. You know, what police do to criminals. Innocent until proven guilty? Does that not apply here? When I step into an airport have I entered into another country; one in which my personal rights and my privacy are not protected? I already feel as if I am guilty via the act of taking my shoes off, walking through a metal detector and having my carry-on imaged. Granted, pat-downs and the like are for US-bound travelers from certain countries, but how long will it be before this trickles-down to every flight, international or domestic? Will that still be a "small price to pay"? Does that fall within the "anything" you'd do to be safe?
Okay how about this nifty little device: Millimeter Wave Scanner
or this
Have you seen these things? It's like a 14 year-old's wet dream, Terminator porn. Let me tell you my first reaction to the picture. Wow, boobs and cameltoe... and... yikes, I can see his package. Yea, I'm quite sure I'm not the only one, what do you think the TSA employees are thinking when they see these? That guy/gal now knows as much about your body as your significant other knows. You said "anything to be safe," does this count?
We've been incrementally letting our privacy and personal liberties fall by the wayside every time some incompetent a-hole tries to light his underwear on fire. This security theater we submit ourselves to when we board a plane does nothing to actually keep us safe. The crotch bomber got through the checkpoint, did you notice that? If I wanted to take over a plane I could do so with a No. 2 pencil jabbed into the jugular of a flight attendant (Oops, knock on the door, be right back). Can you still even take a pencil on a plane? My point is that determined people find a way. Next we'll have to be patted down (which has already happened to me once or twice), then we'll have to be scanned by this MMW scanner, then we'll have to be strip searched, then we'll have to have a drug test, then we'll have to provide DNA, then we’ll have to submit to a brain scan, then we won’t be able to pee in the last hour of the flight, then we won't be able to get up at all during the flight, then we won't be able to carry anything on the plane, then we won't be able to talk during the flight, then we'll get sleep-inducing drugs so we sleep through the entire flight, then....what? Where does this go?
When Facebook changed their privacy policy people were up in arms about the fact they didn't own their pictures. When people found out that cell phone companies were using extra long voicemail instructions they screamed for changes. When people found out the banks were giving bailout money as bonuses it was unfair. But when our phones are wire-tapped we shrug it off, when we have to take off our shoes to pass through the checkpoint we obey, when we have to sit for the last hour of the flight we yawn, when our bodies are being scanned and leered at by TSA personnel we'll blush, then be on our merry way like nothing ever happened.
Where is the outrage? Where is the cry from the ACLU about civil rights? Where is the screaming from the NAACP about racial profiling? Where are the organizers who brought us the Do-Not-Call list? Where are all of the people picketing for human rights? Where are all of the people trying to remove porn from the internet? Where are all of the groups tagging sex offenders? Where are the privacy groups who want to delete our data from Google? They're mysteriously quiet because we're doing as we're told. We've become well acquainted to it and we are so well versed at sitting down and shutting the fuck up. Why bother?
Baaaa my friends, baaa.
