more

I have trouble at times, deciding the legitimacy of wanting more. There's the part of me that is (mostly) happy with what he has, who he is, where he's going and where he's been and wonders if this sense of needing more is just a by-product of everything and everyone saying "more is better" and I in my, albeit naive, struggle to fit in “feel" that I too should want more. And there's a part of my that feels I deserve more, and wanting more isn't a message from the outside letting me know I don't "have" enough but is actually a message from the inside asking for something or some things more fulfilling than where I currently am. I vigilantly watch the messages I receive from the outside and place them where they belong as they reach me.

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45lbs, 22x32x18

The past, as innocuous as it sometimes seems, plays a central role on how one lives their everyday life. This is both bad and good; getting shocked by sticking a fork in an electric socket teaches you to avoid sticking metal things in electrical sockets, having your trust in someone betrayed by that person teaches you to avoid trusting that person (or potentially any new person). And it is those sorts of “lessons” that we carry with us for the rest of our lives, whether we know it or not. They inform our judgment, they guide our decisions, and they help to establish our behavior. Relationships, and our interactions in them, are fundamentally advised by past experiences and, for good or for ill, can be greatly impacted by them.

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life's a dance

There comes a time in every relationship when you learn what it is that you do in/for the relationship. Be it friendships, be it family, be it coworkers, be it lovers. That moment when you realize your place in things, the other party (ies) place, and you can see the interaction between you and them; the dance. I had thought that once I had become "healthier", older, wiser, more secure, more centered, more emotionally balanced, that my part of this dance wouldn't be so much a dance, of people competing for power in a struggle, but one of

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another year, another dollar

Almost an entire year has gone by since I last wrote anything I put here. I don't think that means anything other than I haven't done any writing here, but I do find it interesting that it's been close to a year. It's difficult to sum up one year in anything that can be concise, clear or complete. Sufficed to say there have been ups, and there have been downs, and there has been a whole lot in between.

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to friend or not to friend

So instead of some stream of consciousness blatherings about how I feel today, or some diatribe about how I feel wronged, I have one small bone to be picked and one introspect. The Bone: I try very very hard to not hate people. Actually, I try very very hard to like people, and to be friendly to people, and be considerate of them. Unfortunately, a lot of times, it seems as if I’m the only one doing so. Now whether or not this comes through because of the people I am forced to be around, my sensitivity to the issue, or because I just dislike people today and I want to be sitting in my apartment playing ME3 or something, I don’t know. What I do know is that I see, all too often, selfish, inconsiderate assholes everywhere I go.

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