I have no business being in a relationship. Relationships require things, things I thought I could handle, things I thought I was capable of doing, seeing, saying, controlling, conveying, accepting; but I obviously am not.

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legacy

Lately I've been contemplating the idea of legacy. It's probably inevitable that a person would think about what they leave behind once they've departed life, granted I've thought about it once or twice (or more) in my time; sometimes it's merely a question of messes I've made that would need to be cleaned up, sometimes it's a pondering of who would remember me and how I would be remembered (assuming someone is there to remember) once I've gone, and sometimes the sight of a dad doing something dad-like with his kids and the emotional longing of a missed opportunity.

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the reset button

Just when you think you have things under control, you're managing your life, you're managing your future, you're managing yourself and all of your idiosyncracies; you think you've chosen a path that suits you, that you can depend will carry you to the next chapter (one that you actually want to have happen); you think you can finally trust people and believe you have enough of an understanding of how they work and how to deal with them to know how to move forward.

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promises...promises...

Everyone makes them. Some make them seriously, with every intention to fulfill said promise, moving heaven and earth to make sure their promise is kept. Others, be it intentionally or not, do not. An unkept promise can be a very detrimental thing to any relationship, if said promise was given and taken in full faith to be the serious kind.

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The 5 Stages of Migraine

Stage 1: Holy shit, is that my head? Is it hurting? I think it's hurting. That may be pain I'm feeling. Quick, get a lot of water, find something caffeinated, eat something, pop and excedrin. Wait, I have that medication the doctor gave me, what's it called Trix? Twix? Trexamine? Triox? Triceratops. That's it, Triceratops. Where did I put that? (Take Triceratops, if works go to Stage 4)

Stage 2: Crap, that didn't work. Pop more excedrin. Lose track of time, space, reality. Get more water. Find more caffeine. Eat something else. Turn off all lights. Close all blinds. Try to lie down to go to sleep. Nope, hurts head more. Find comfortable lounging position. Turn on TV, lower volume. Cover face with pillow. Throw up. 

Stage 3: Can't sleep. Eye twitchy. Rub sore eyes. Try to lie down. Hurts more. Throw up again. Pace endlessly. Try for an hour to re-acquire lounge position. Rub head until raw. Pray to the gods of Olympus, Buddhism, Christianity, Islam, Satan, Wicca for relief. Stare blankly at wall. Await death. Pass out from misery and pain.

Stage 4: Hung over. Confusion. Cotton mouth. Nausea. Achy head. Sore body. Empty stomach. Lack of motor function/balance. 

Stage 5: "Normalcy" Thank gods for intervention. Mourn loss of time. (Typically 1 week)