loathing and fear

Fear: Ever been really afraid, and I mean really scared, not just jumping in your seat because that creepy Ring chick crawled out of the tv. I mean so afraid that you're unable to move, unable to speak, unable to think; frozen in inaction, stuck in time by fear. No you haven't and that's good, because you don't want that. Fear can be useful as a motivator, but it can also be used as chains to bind one from action; harmful action. And therein lies the true fear: hurting other people, destroying the universes of people whose lives I can touch.

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girls are scary

The truth of the matter is, you scare the crap out of me. Mentally. Emotionally. Physically. Mentally: You have a mind that defies my explanation at times. I think I'm an intelligent human being, and have been told so by people other than my mother and my therapist, which leads me to believe it is actually true. However, there is something about your intellect, your wit, your use of the English Language and the way you take words apart, turn them inside-out and upside-down then use them again in a wholly different way that amazes and terrifies me. I love words. I love manipulating words. I love finding the tertiary meaning of a word and putting it to use in daily life, and frankly, the way you make words bend to your every will and whim knocks my socks off. I have always been challenged by the female mind, so much so in fact that it makes women a hell of a lot more interesting to be around than men. But scare me to death it does.

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you kinda want me

I am that guy: 
sitting on the train 
staring out the window 
earplugs planted firmly 
workin' the crossword 
noting everyone on board. 

The normal guy; 
above-average looking 
pretty blue eyes 
with a great smile 
a nice trim physique 
whom obviously bathes daily 
and can pick out his own clothes 
not too this and not too that.

I'm not someone you jump on; 
after a rowdy night of bar-hopping 
after a crazy Cubs game 
after tailgating at Soldier Field 
after seeing your friend get married. 

But still you kinda want me, because 
deep down you know; 
I'm an amazing kisser 
I would worship every inch of your body 
massage every pain 
stroke every curve 
lick every bit of skin 
take all cares away 
your wish my every desire.

indictment

You are the sort of person to burn bright early then fade quickly. -This isn't an exact quote but it's close enough to count. My first reaction? Why would someone say something like that? My second reaction? Yea, and what's your point? My third reaction? I used to be like that, but not anymore, or not much anymore, maybe. My fourth reaction? Has this been the entirety of my life without even recognizing it. Anyone else see four of the five stages in there? (I couldn't have made that up)

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perspectives

So I went to a wedding over the weekend. A good friend of a friend finally marrying someone they've been dating for years and has known for twice (or more) as long. As I sat there watching a group of friends who have known each other since around (some before) high school, and who have managed to stay best of friends in that time, I had a strange shift in my perspective about such things. Well, maybe 'shift' isn't the best word. I guess I recognized my own perspective on things, I accepted that it has been my viewpoint for years now and I've determined that I no longer find it acceptable. Yes, that's a lot of shit to happen in the 30 minutes the wedding took place, the 6 hours or so of chatting, eating and dancing (boy did I dance) during the reception, and the next 6 hours of afterparty sitting and chatting and smoking and learning a lot about a few people. Yea, I stayed up LATE. In hindsight I should have waited to see the sunrise.

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