perspectives

So I went to a wedding over the weekend. A good friend of a friend finally marrying someone they've been dating for years and has known for twice (or more) as long. As I sat there watching a group of friends who have known each other since around (some before) high school, and who have managed to stay best of friends in that time, I had a strange shift in my perspective about such things. Well, maybe 'shift' isn't the best word. I guess I recognized my own perspective on things, I accepted that it has been my viewpoint for years now and I've determined that I no longer find it acceptable. Yes, that's a lot of shit to happen in the 30 minutes the wedding took place, the 6 hours or so of chatting, eating and dancing (boy did I dance) during the reception, and the next 6 hours of afterparty sitting and chatting and smoking and learning a lot about a few people. Yea, I stayed up LATE. In hindsight I should have waited to see the sunrise.

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daynicated

So are people complicated or do I enter a state of complicated about people of my own accord. I've decided that since I am typically in a state of complication when dealing with people that those are the only two possibilities here.

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evolution always wins

I've always been a fan of evolution; you take something, you add in a little variety of DNA, you make it better. Simple right? With each successive generation of an organism it becomes more and more adept at living in the world. I've also argued that we humans have taken evolution and thrown it out the window; that in order to have a society, we have to become "civilized" and instead of throwing out the weaker, i.e. less suited, generations of humans we must pick them up, help them out, and and guide them into the future. That is what I use to make my case that we have snubbed the natural order of things and stopped our evolution, because really we are no different than our ancestors 10,000 years ago.

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[none]

Why? Why, in the vastness of all possible universes, with all of the potential outcomes, with the innumerable alternate realities, with the infinite number of seemingly disconnected variables passing through all forms of arithmetic calculations never leading to the same result, does everything I seem to do lead to the same contemptuous disappointing finale? With the seemingly endless store of knowledge I have regarding psychology, cognitive behavior, psychohistory, social sciences and the like, I still seem to make the same choices, to trip over the same mistakes, to repeat the same errors and reap the benefits of the malfeasance I gladly swallow every day only to regret it tomorrow. It is profoundly upsetting to sit here and remember the countless faces associated with the growing number of names that I have, for lack of a better word, wronged in my hopelessly futile attempt to find ... something. I'm not even sure where to begin, and even now I'm not even sure I'm able to end, the devastating onslaught my person has ravaged upon this world. Alphabetical? Chronological? Categorical? It really makes no difference; even the acknowledgement itself seems too little, too late to appease the gods, karma and the poor individuals whose hearts suffered while under the care of these hands. So, I won't. You know who you are, though I seriously doubt you're reading here, or ever will; and I sincerely hope you do not.

The path of destruction in my wake eats at my psyche every single day, burning away my already too frayed soul; no forgiveness to be had from either the flock of prey or the predator himself. 

phone that never rings

It's called irony; the fact that I love love love phones, handsets, devices, whatever you wish to call them and love buying bigger and better ones, but never use them.

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